Built like a brick shit house

As you can see from my picture below this post, the workouts are really paying off. The Sam Adam’s light, the 1/2 speed road miles, it’s all coming together. I think I have a pretty typcial build for a mountain biker. The hard protective shell shields me from debris, and keeps me warm should I happen to spend the night on the trail, huddled alone, or wishing I was. There is room for storage underneath, and I take advantage of that. Ask anyone. I pull things from my shell on rides like Capt. Caveman and his hair.

The horn on the front is a genetic trait specific to the larger members of the off road species. It is used for clearing the trail as they plow through the woods. Although the fragile and agile Pondskater can adapt to an off-road environment, they are at great risk of being gored and shoveled off the trail, should they be caught by the powerful creature pictured below. Omnivorous, these creatures tend to maintain relations with Pondskaters. Like ants farming aphids the larger off-road cyclists or Rhino-beetles can simply pluck and slaughter their quick, but defenseless companions in lean times.

The only known predator to these giant kings of the forest, is the pitcher plant, which secretes a sweet, fermented scent. The Rhino-beetle can’t resist the urge to crawl inside and indulge itself, where it eventually succombs to intoxication. Mmmmmmm, intoxication, that reminds me…

Have a great weekend, whatever you are.

6 Responses to Built like a brick shit house

  1. • The rhinoceros beetle is considered one of the strongest creatures anywhere. Rhino beetles can carry 850 times their own weight.

    • Rhino beetles have rarely reached pest proportions, and this has usually happened in sugar cane fields or palm plantations that have been recently carved out of the jungle.

    • Rhino beetles are neither ferocious nor particularly dangerous. They eat rotting fruit and sap, and despite their fierce horned appearance do not bite or sting when handled. These gentle insects may not be hulk-like in demeanor, but their strength might turn other creatures green with envy.

  2. The gazelle beetle has been referred to as the “prince of the insect world,” combining the qualities of regal bearing and magnanimity to the lesser creatures of the forest. When stepped upon, the gazelle beetle emits a gentle sigh, and a scent redolent of high church incense fills the air. Among some of the indigenous tribes of the Lake Erie area, it is rumored that licking these creatures yields a profound rejuvenating effect. The gazelle beetle was declared endangered during the 1970s, but recently all government protection has been removed.