kick them when they’re up, kick them when they’re down

The hardman is currently fighting a groundswell of popular opinion to rename him Bonnet boy in light of his recent diagnosis to STAY OUT OF THE GODDAMN SUN ALREADY!

The hardman is quite fair-skinned, like remember that movie Powder? The local bullies beat the shit out of this kid for being too white. What bullshit, tell me one place in Iowa farm country where you are in danger of being too white.

I don’t care how creamy the hardman’s pelt is as long as it keeps him off the bike a little longer.
It could be a touch of polio, rubella, or mad cow disease as far as I’m concerned, just keep that fucking Ellsworth locked up. As his skinny little legs continue to atrophy, I will be feeding King and Kong on turpentine and barb wire until they are pumped to a freakish level. Then, when Powder is ready, we can go for a friendly little ride, you know, to “Welcome him back”.

Sasquatch and the whole Sasquatch clan went to the Wildlife Refuge yesterday, but failed to find the fabled Pinhook river. As a ride destination, that river has remained as elusive as Shangri-La. On the return ride, S’quatch is claiming a blistering 14.5 mph pace. Apparently since he rode from south to north, it was slightly uphill the whole way. Good job S’quatch!

I’m off to the Magic Kingdom down in central Florida today– Santos (
I’m bringing back Eminem who needs a break from NYC. Em was once a longbow rider of the range, but its been a long time. I guess we have to play “nice nice” to keep him interested.

This afternoon I will finally ride that slag heap they call Razorback as well. I’m really looking forward to getting my ass handed to me by my favorite “back to the land type” modern day pioneer, Pa Ingalls. All I’ve got to say is, “NOT THE FACE, DON’T HIT ME IN THE FACE!”

On King, on Kong!

2 Responses to kick them when they’re up, kick them when they’re down

  1. King and Kong will have to answer to your puckered arse to run those cliffs.

    While you’re being crazy you should shoot down to Alafia and just get all that daredevil bullshit out of your system. By that I mean sit on your bike at the top of a RIDICULOUS drop until you come up with a reason why you’re rightfully and respectfully not in the animal grouping that does such things.

  2. ‘Powder’ is a good name for the hardman. It fits his fair, vulnerable skin, his daily use of powders of the baking sort, and his explosive gunpowder temperament.

    It also forecasts the fine powder he’ll be ground to when I unleash my eight stage plan for his biking destruction (of which I’m only in stage 2, entitled, ‘Sasquatch Gets His Miles On’).