brain food 
Monthly Archives: May 2005
Pastrami on Rye
Carnegie Deli, NYC
M&M sent me this picture of his sandwich yesterday. Looks like the training continues for his 2006-2007 comeback. My brother, who has yet to be given his circus name, cited M&M’s visit as inspiration to get back on the bike. And on that note, I will uncharacteristically pass on the opportunity to ridicule those I love the most.
Step right up folks!
Good morning people.
I had a great ride yesterday morning with my brother and my bike mechanic. This is an unusual combination since my brother didn’t have a bike the last time I posted to the circus, and my mechanic has a new born child at home, so he doesn’t get out much.
My mechanic “Scarshins” showed up early yesterday morning, refreshed from 2.5 hours of sleep. I had a solid 6 hours, and felt about as rough as Sasquatch’s chamois.
My brother, with his fresh 1997 Jamis Durango he picked up over the weekend, drove the truck to the trailhead, while Scarshins and I rode out.
There are certain people who have logged so many miles on their legs, they don’t know how to not be fast, regardless of conditioning. This guy is one of those. He rode a good portion of the transit and the trail in a speed wheelie, coasting, shifting gears, making a ham sandwich, all on his back wheel. In the singletrack sections he hucked his 30 lb. Iron horse around gleefully, a man cut loose from the confines of gravity for a couple hours.
Considering how much more I ride than him, it was shaping up to be yet another humbling outing for the author, an all too familiar act here at the BRC.
Then he puked, or as he called it “Power-booted”. He didn’t stop pedaling. He just leaned over and let fly. This made him, and definitely me, feel a whole lot better.
Built like a brick shit house
As you can see from my picture below this post, the workouts are really paying off. The Sam Adam’s light, the 1/2 speed road miles, it’s all coming together. I think I have a pretty typcial build for a mountain biker. The hard protective shell shields me from debris, and keeps me warm should I happen to spend the night on the trail, huddled alone, or wishing I was. There is room for storage underneath, and I take advantage of that. Ask anyone. I pull things from my shell on rides like Capt. Caveman and his hair.
The horn on the front is a genetic trait specific to the larger members of the off road species. It is used for clearing the trail as they plow through the woods. Although the fragile and agile Pondskater can adapt to an off-road environment, they are at great risk of being gored and shoveled off the trail, should they be caught by the powerful creature pictured below. Omnivorous, these creatures tend to maintain relations with Pondskaters. Like ants farming aphids the larger off-road cyclists or Rhino-beetles can simply pluck and slaughter their quick, but defenseless companions in lean times.
The only known predator to these giant kings of the forest, is the pitcher plant, which secretes a sweet, fermented scent. The Rhino-beetle can’t resist the urge to crawl inside and indulge itself, where it eventually succombs to intoxication. Mmmmmmm, intoxication, that reminds me…
Have a great weekend, whatever you are.
Pondskaters
The riders depart
I was down at Joe’s last night around closing, getting a second opinion on the crunchy sound coming from my rear hub.
“I think it’s more of a clanking than a crunch Juancho, bring it back in the morning.”
With that settled, we eased into a couple of chairs and then eased a couple of Camel Lights into ourselves. The rider pictured above, a young man named Miles I believe, stoically endured the second-hand smoke, shiny smooth legs AND arms twitching for action.
The Thursday night “Joe’s to Killearn” ride was commencing.
One by one riders lit upon the grass in front of the shop. There they waited, arms crossed, poised delicately on the surface. Being a scientist, I studied their physiology, their delicate builds that suspend them just above the surface of the road. The articulated thoracic region displaying their organs externally. These creatures are built to go fast along smooth surfaces, antennae scanning for threats, nibbling near invisible protozoa for propulsion.
As they swooped off, grouching and grousing into the night, I felt a twinge of sympathy and understanding in my heart. The type of riding you prefer is not so much a choice, but a beautiful expression of evolutionary will.
Bow to these men, you slack bastards!
This was received in response to my question earlier. For those who don’t know, John Harvey commenting on Tallahassee trails is like Muddy Waters discussing the blues.
There are a few someone’s that have been responding to the call in recent years, but trail volunteerism is slim in the capital city. Why work when it’s given to you on a platter? There will be calls in the coming years though, and good community response could take our trail systems to a whole new level.
Please join our trailnews group so you can hear the calls when they come.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TLHTrailNews/
As far as responsible parties for recent trail work, you may thank the City of Tallahassee Parks and Rec Dept, namely Dwayne Huffman and Chuck Goodheart. Higher Ground seems to be the only bike shop that consistently rises to the occasion.
The Fern lives, love–john harvey
What would we do without trails?
nice banana hammocks
Lucky for us we don’t have to answer that, because here in the capital city trails are multiplying. Good work is being done behind Piney-Z right now with additional multi-use and dedicated singletrack emerging. We have lost a few over the years to encroachment of commerce and suburban expansion, and of course all parties involved should burn in hell forever and be forced to ride little tiny clown bikes on a road to nowhere in a headwind, but still, at least someone is responding to the call. Does anyone know who that someone is? What are their intentions?
Should we, God forbid, volunteer to help some weekend?
That’s just crazy talk, right?
Oh shit, we’re unorganized.
In the future…
If you respond to a previous post, and would like someone to read it, contain your comments to the appropriate entry, and then post a brief notice in the current entry, like this-
I finally thought of a comeback for when you burned me last week, see May 08, 2005 comments section.
that way we can keep the various trains of thought from running off the tracks.
If you would like to address the class from the front of the room, e-mail your post to john.phantom309@gmail.com for review. If selected, I promise not to edit your post without consent. It will appear as a daily entry. Attach relevant photos or images in this manner as well. I will try to respond to suggestions and material, unless you are rude, then you better be funny. Rude and funny is great.
This ain’t the Utne Reader and you will never be paid, so take that into account. If you got a story to tell, just fuckin’ tell it.
Thanks,
the Management