Monthly Archives: May 2005

STOP CYCLE-ISM!

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If there are any invisible readers out there, (picture teeming hordes) I want to assure you that I will always strive to be fair and balanced in my representation of road bikers, comfort bikers, tricyclers, and even uni-cyclers. I believe it takes all kinds to make this world diverse and special for everyone. I can appreciate road bike culture. Hell, some my best friends are road bikers. That doesn’t mean I want them in my neighborhood. We could still work together, and our kids could go to the same school I guess, but you know, they have their world and I have mine. I wouldn’t want my daughter to date one if you know what I mean.

In the words of anti-cycle-ist agitator Chris King I ask you, “Can’t we all just get along?”

Sincerely, HFBIC

Mysterious Man-beastologist joins the Circus!

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The following was cut and pasted from the comments section regarding natural behavior patterns of indigenous Sasquatch, or locally, “Skunk Ape”.

It is common knowledge that Sasquatches are illusive creatures by nature. A lesser-known trait is that Squashes are notorious for self inflicted sabotage when threatened by a faster Squash. Trivial gifts of nature, (Gatorade) can trigger a cascade of defeat that eventually leads to tire deflation. A smart Squash will let the air out with the valve; a lesser Squash will sharpen a stick with a rock to construct an airtight alibi.

Sasquatch Lost, Sasquatch Found

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Close call last night.

Due to a general lack of coordination, and a complete abdication of responsibility on behalf of the group, we lost the S’quatch last night. The evening was billed as a singletrack affair at TBP, not really S’quatch’s favorite thing, nor mine usually. I was eager for the change, and looking forward to steep drops and teeth-chattering rooty sections.

I had a bad feeling something like this was going to happen. When 4 grown men exchange more phone calls than cheerleaders on Prom night, something is going to go wrong. Missing equipment, misunderstood rendevous points, and 37 riders from rival gangs all converging at once? Guaranteed fubar.

Still, everything was going fine. Powder and I were locked in heated battle, him with his elbows pushed all the way out to prevent me from passing, and S’quatch thundering behind us. We pass a bottle of gatorade which had bounced out of someone’s bottle cage. Powder and I note it, and keep moving, while S’quatch, true to his feral man/beast nature must stop to pick it up. Trail booty! What’s next? half-eaten powerbars out of the restroom trash can? Asking your buddy if he will swab out some excess chamois butter for you (Yo man, just reach in there and get me some of that, you know you got too much!).

10 minutes later we’re back at the trailhead, and S’quatch is AWOL. A quick huddle ascertains that he is not on the TBP trail and therefore must be headed out the levy trail. Apparently, like Elmer Fudd chasing Bugs Bunny, we were consistently a drumbeat away from catching him.

Many theories were offered.

-The trail was too tough and he just rode home. (Powder)

-He blazed out for some big 1/2 speed road miles. (Juanch0)

-He fell and knocked himself out because he wasn’t wearing a helmet. (Lickedy Split).

We part ways with the mystery unsolved. By 10:00 P:M, we are preparing to rally the posse for a search, and Mrs. S’quatch’s cell phone # is dialed, ready to connect with the push of a button. I really don’t want to be the one to make that call, and thankfully I don’t have to do it. Powder calls to tell me that S’quatch has arrived, walking the big blue ox.

And now, I think it is only fair to let the man speak for himself. S’quatch? What happened?

Y’all are going to need to know this…

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M&M sent this helpful information along, thanks dude.
At least I’ve got the “self-massage” and lots of rest part dialed.

Ultra Fuel or Gatorload, can stimulate the needed glycogen resynthesis, and thereby shorten the recovery time to proper muscle energy stores. “It works, I always bounced back faster and avoided prolonged dead legafter dropping one of those sportdrinks right after a hard ride. We’re not talking gatoraid”.

HOW TO RECOVER FROM … A STRENUOUS CARDIO WORKOUT

Whether you just finished a run, bike ride or killer session on theelliptical machine, don’t forget about tomorrow. While it can take three or four days to recover from a harder-than-normal workout, you can avoid lots of the pain and repair muscles quicker if you warm down properly and eat and drink immediately after exercising.* Warm down. Following the session, briefly–and easily–walk, bike, swim or do other low-impact activity, then stretch, do some self-massage and elevate your legs above your chest. These actions lengthen muscles that have been contracting for a long time, dilating blood vessels and speeding the removal of lactic acid and otherwaste-product buildup that can leave you stiff and hurting the nextday.* Eat and drink now. Don’t wait. During warm-down, suck down a sports drink to replenish your potassium and sodium stores and restore normal cell and nerve function. Also, carry food–protein bars (Nitro-Tech orDesigner), a protein shake (Myoplex Ready-to-Drink), fruit–in your fitness bag and wolf it down in the locker room. Score extra points for foods rich in antioxidants, which help repair tissues damaged bythe workout. Remember, it’s best to eat a small meal of complex carbs and protein soon after exercise to expedite healing.* Why eat so soon? Not only is your fuel tank empty, but your glycogen and protein “windows”–the period in which your muscles’ ability to recover and quickly rebuild peaks–begin to close down after 45
first 30 minutes gives you the most bang for the buck,” says Paul J.Flakoll, Ph.D., of Vanderbilt University, who has led studies examining protein synthesis. He says a 5\’10”, 170-pounder should get20 to 30 grams each of both protein and carbs soon after aerobic exercise.* Get warm, get rest. Cover up and sleep well after a hard workout,which can temporarily compromise the immune system. A good sleep willenhance release of growth and recovery hormones like testosterone andHGH. Waiting an hour to eat after a workout is too long. “Thefirst 30 minutes gives you the most bang for the buck,” says Paul J.Flakoll, Ph.D., of Vanderbilt University, who has led studiesexamining protein synthesis. He says a 5’10”, 170-pounder should get20 to 30 grams each of both protein and carbs soon after aerobic exercise.* Get warm, get rest. Cover up and sleep well after a hard workout,which can temporarily compromise the immune system. A good sleep willenhance release of growth and recovery hormones like testosterone andHGH.

Shattered, smothered, and covered

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My legs are toast. King and Kong have called in sick today. Big respect to M&M for the great ride Friday, same to Powder, thanks for the huge pull on Piedmont *
S’quatch, Hi-tops, and Powder finished the job yesterday at an epic Munson outing.

Razorback kicked my ass, that has been well established by now. Instead of going back to that, I am choosing to move forward. If you have questions concerning this abomination of a trail, just holler. I for one, think it was designed by a man who seeks vengeance on all mountain bikers for some unspeakable crime committed by one of our brood. Of course, there is also strong support for the theory that I might just be a “Big Pussy”.

The silver lining for this wayward tale is how Razorback affects my riding on the local level, here in the Capital City. Its kind of like surviving a prison riot only to come home and have the local deputies threaten to “rough you up”. I am just soooo not impressed. Obstacles that once intimidated me, now look small, even friendly. The fear of falling is minimized, because the ground seems so close around here.

Razorback was like a one-night stand that helped me get over an ex, and now I can move on to new horizons.

So thanks Razorback, but baby– don’t bother calling, its over.

*21+ into a 15 knot headwind.