Monthly Archives: May 2005

WHY DO REDBUGS BITE?

Grown-up mites do not bite people; they eat insects and insect eggs. It’s the babies that need the protein from your skin to grow. Redbugs do not burrow into your skin. They attach to your skin in places where your clothing is tight, like your ankles, waist, knees, and armpits. After they are attached, they inject saliva (spit) into your skin. This spit dissolves a little bit of your skin, and they drink up the liquid skin, not your blood. Redbug spit is very irritating and itchy. It will cause the skin to swell up, hiding the redbug. After about three days, the baby redbug is full. It drops off and grows into a nymph (an older mite that doesn’t bite). The itching caused by redbugs is an allergic reaction to the redbug’s saliva. Try not to scratch it, because it can get infected.

A weekend of sun, sweat, and down home music. Load up the bikes, guitars, african drums, and of course the coolers of beer. It’s time to go to the Florida Folk Festival. click the link if you want to see the lineup and check out the scene. www.floridastateparks.org/folkfest/default.htm

I also hope to connect with these people- http://www.suwanneebike.org – They were right hospitable last year, and I sure would like to go for a ride with them. A long sandy spin to Big Shoals for a swim sounds real nice.

Y’all have a good long weekend yourselves and I’ll see you back under the big top on Monday.

My brother had this aluminum Trek for years. It wasn’t a very flashy ride. The geometry was very square. The seat was one of those gel saddles, that mush around like you’re sitting in a wet diaper. He never rode it, and I understand why.

Then it got stolen. The thief broke into the neighbor’s house, stole two handguns, a Playstation 2, a handful of games, and a jar of poker change. He escaped on my brother’s bike, carrying all that shit with him somehow. The neighborhood was up in arms, it was a bad time to be a stranger on the avenue. Even though my bro didn’t ride his bike, he was still justifiably pissed off about it. He wanted to own a bike damn it all, whether he rode it or not.

So now he’s got a Jamis, bike of the chosen people, and he’s riding that thing whenever and wherever he can.

So thanks bicycle thief, but don’t let us catch you on that Trek. That thing is slow and we will get your ass.

Hopefully none of you have suffered the indignity of having your ride stolen. Lock it up, and avoid the old school U-Locks, if you don’t already know, they open with a ball point pen in about 5 seconds.

Take it from me, don’t let yourself go people, because the long road back is fraught with humiliation, subjugation, and pain.
Two nights have passed since my last visit to the strip mall jerk off station, Gold’s Gym. I accidentally rolled in around 6:30 P:M, which is apparently when they let the sex offender, ankle-bracelet crew out for a little R & R in the yard.
S’quatch and I are making our rounds: sit-ups, lunges, crunches, and then the bench press. The bench area is of course, where the freaks lurk. Whether it is positioning oneself to view scrota up the shorts leg of a fellow member, or just pumping iron to build your own set of masculine DD’s, the bench press area attracts perverts like a petting zoo.

I humbly accept the flourescent lights, the tribal tattoo parade, and the thumping bass of the latest Spears-Federline effort as my just deserts, but so far nobody has entered my zone of discomfort until this guy, this “ogling squash smuggler” with his too-tight teal sweat pants, and obvious lack of package restraint.

My radar codes red, only seconds to avert incoming hostile fire, but I’m too late. Captain Magnanimous, Prince Charming himself, Dr. Cash Money Sasquatch says, “Sure you can work in a set”. He then encourages John Wayney Gacy Jr. with comments like “Hey, you’re wearing blue suede Reeboks, that’s great”, and counting off the reps “1,2, you got it bro, 3, 4” as the man’s little summer squash rises and falls in anticipation of fellow bench-area dwellers checking him out. Disgusting. The man has had a taste of success and now he’s losing all self-control. We are seconds away from becoming permanent workout buddies when I give him the grumpy, irritated, “Look man, I just want to do my shit and get out of here” dismissal.

Blink-blink, adjust squash, go off pouting.

There is one person at Gold’s Gym who really has it made, and I have yet to meet him or her. The sauna has been broken since the day I joined, and that distresses me, but somebody has the sweet job of scribbling out the date it will be repaired and writing in a new date. How hard is that? The sign says “scheduled for repair May 19”. On May 19, you get your red marker, sneak into the locker room when nobody is around, and write a big primary school “2” over the “1”.

What do they do in the 10-day interim before it’s time to change the “May” to “SeptMayber”?

I’m going to have to stake the place out and see, not that I’m a freak or anything.

I apologize for reporting the presence of a fabled “Sasquatch” on the trails in and around the Tallahassee area. All reports of sightings have ceased. Authorities now contend it was a hoax. click this link for details.

http://www.unmuseum.org/bigfoot.htm

We value the truth here at the BRC, and we apologize for leading our readers astray.

-Juancho