FOTL MUST DIE

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Nobody stiffs Betty’s Beauty School.

Tallahassee’s premiere punk rock band for the over 35 set has been done wrong.

I have learned, quite randomly via the internet, that our local MTB advocacy organization, The Fat of the Land,
has cancelled this weekend’s festival events, which included a performance by BBS. This band has been rehearsing in lycra with bananas down their shorts for months in preparation for this gig, billed as an outdoor extravaganza at Tom Brown Park. Now, without so much as a courtesy call, I learn the entire festival has been flopped like New Coke.

I am the Press, and this is Accountability.

The logo: All manner of hand-wringing was wasted with concerns over whether mega-corporation Coca Cola might sue barely existent mtb organization FOTL for creating a satirical logo in their image. It looks like the FOTL lawyers can finally relax.

The ride: From a brutally inspired 70 mile tour of the forest to restricting the ride to the existing 25 miles of trails to no “official” ride at all.

Signage: Stupid Studios creates materials that would mark our trails with a unique flavor and character. Result? Denied by ambiguously identifed “Officials?” Better to go with the random brown sticks that denote nothing which we already have. Added bonus: an insult to a local cycling icon. Unforgiveable.

I smelled a rat from day one, and now it stinks to high heaven.

Join me in boycotting this fascist junta.

Juancho

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17 Responses to FOTL MUST DIE

  3. Berkley, no.
    Free, yes.
    Speech, maybe while gasping for breath sounds will be sputtered.
    Movement will be abundant, yes.
    5:15pm.

  4. Okay! I’ll boycott!
    (What is it I’m boycotting?)
    And get this- my blurry word verification is
    kingrecr.
    I am not kidding you.
    Wreck them kings, Juancho! Slay them with your words!

  5. Those FOTL BASTARDS!

    But perhaps all is not lost. We are looking to book somebody for my son’s 9th birthday party this weekend. Bozo is booked. The phone # at WreckingBall Booking Agency is out of order. But the BBS in lycra with protruding bananas sounds entertaining fo sure. Do you do private parties?

  8. In the early years and manifestations of BBS, the Robot Army was mobilized as fierce hecklers; now? as fierce defenders!

    Walkin tall and carrying a big banana!

  9. Google tells me “Fat Of the Land” is an album by The Prodigy. I’ll have to check it out. The website of the other Fat of the Land, pending name change, says this about Saturday:

    “We WILL still hold the Saturday Cola-Rolla but a completely FREE informal group ride.
    Meeting at the same time/place (9am, St.Marks Trailhead). Bring drinks/goodies to share!”

    All was revealed at a recent meeting; the one you missed after you proposed a few “friends” for membership in the Ruling Junta. (BASTARD!). In any event, see you Satuday. Please bring the Potpourri of Power. You know you were going ride Munson that day anyway.

  10. I can’t go to meetings because I barely live in Tallahassee. The ones I did go to were characterized by the Forest Service’s puppet government saying no to most ideas (like soft-serve ice cream stations) So I better get my roofing nails scattered by Friday night.

  11. I think FOTL was stillborn anyway. Why would anyone work to improve the trails in Tally when it’s much more gratifying (and popular) to be sarcastic make fun of anyone who tries?

  15. There is no Cobra Kai. If there were, they would’ve already stepped up.

    The view from here is too many big fish eager to remain in their small ponds, and keep on bloggin.

  17. A review of mountain bike trail improvements locally: They have really opened up the road biking in Tallahassee.

    shins