Monthly Archives: June 2009

Would you like to buy a lady’s handbag today?

Does that sound familiar? If you received such an invitation from me recently by e-mail, please know that I have not sold ladies equipage for a long time. I gave it up along with scrubbing the mats at the end of a 17 hour shift at the Village Inn Pancake House A big wassup to all my homies in maroon vests tonight- 2 Superstacks and a General Lee pick it up!

The invitation to purchase dazzling finery for yourself or your paramour is the action of a malicious program. For the record, some of you offered to sell me some Dolce & Gabanna too. In fact I went ahead and ordered some choice items from Big Worm. Let’s all conduct a massive virus scan real soon. I can say with all confidence that the BigRingCircus is disease-free.

Personally, I blame Facebook. I have waiting for a reason to get off that Gravitron of inanity. I have done some research (caught three minutes of commentary on NPR) and I learned that all those applications and gadgets are created by anyone, like the Mali government for instance, to operate as data mining agents.

I won’t have innocent programs working in the data mines because of me.

Now, here is a cool shot someone took of me cruising through the trees in the Forest today. I think it really captures my style lately.

Juancho

I bent the Safari into the hairpin corner of the trailhead parking lot with my left hand occupied in non-verbal communication with both the Ford F150 forcing me out of the road and the Geo Metro bleating away behind me. Remind me to thank the knuckleheads who implemented the change from the gentle turn lane we used for twenty years.

The lightest of showers continued as the storm moved south, but the dark clouds hung around with me. Why? You know why. Not enough this, too much that. I’m not special in this world, just more vocal than most.

Anger needs fed so I squeezed a Gu and hit the trail grinding my teeth in demonic ecstasy. Two fresh tracks figure-eighted in the trail and I stomped on the pedals swerving when I could to eradicate their evidence with my own tracks. I set my thoughts on running their originators down and blasting by, aloof and imperial. Hey, I might get lucky and ruin someone’s day right? Up the sandhill, over the log, middle ring, big ring, turn, turn, turn.

A glimpse of blue jersey through the trees! I had them.

The oldest and rarest of Joe’s Bike Shop jerseys is a light blue, logo stenciled in white.

That jersey, the way the silver bike bounced and flowed through the trees- I recognized that profile. She doesn’t have an Internet handle that I know of, but she rides a Ti Kona, is married to a bike saint, and is responsible for this. I couldn’t pass, or drop her on my best day from 1999 ( I was fast that year.)

She and a friend were picking blackberries and wild blueberries as they rode along, enjoying the woods. We stopped and chatted, and I learned that the Tallahassee Bikini Bike guy is a good person and he has his reasons.

I took off ahead of them (just as I planned) and was soon riding by myself again. My early efforts loosened my legs and I spun through the perfectly packed, cinnamon pine scented woods enjoying a few deep, calm breaths and a rolling sweat. “I am an idiot,” I laughed to myself. Angry why?

— Tech Support, Abu Ghraib, corporate greed, the willfully ignorant, the arrogant compassionless, and feeling like just a handful more grist for the mill?

All right, good reasons all, but not worth losing a single sweet digested berry in my dung ball.

Juancho

Sunday was a fluke. Monday was inspired. Tuesday was a little confirmation for the laws of physics. If you can keep it rolling it picks up speed.

I headed East late in the day to try and rendevous with Joey Bushyhead. I found him. We passed each other on the Cadillac trail going opposite directions, both screaming, “Rider Up!” It was too hot for either of us to think of stopping so I charged onward, turning a big gear in a slow cadence. I put my shoulder to that turd and pushed with all six legs.

I am a man short on answers in this life, but keep the turd rolling is an easy one to remember.

Juancho

Thank God for friends. I will say that for certain. They didn’t have to do anything particuluarly impressive to save me from myself this weekend. Somehow on Friday I had one of those moments where you accidentally peel back a corner of the universe and