Tree Cult

Until recently, news out of Reddick, FL had been sparse.

We all should have known better.

For those of you joining us late, you can pick up the backstory by searching the following terms in this blog, should you care, and I hope you do. Few of the stories told in this blog can be considered factual, but the events and characters related to the following terms are real-frighteningly so.

Ma/ Pa Ingalls
Pole Barn, polebarn, or po’barn.
PBT/ PBT Therapy
Modified short loop
San Felasco
misery/ St. Joe Bay
Liars/ Cape San Blas
Princess bed
“Suey” Dog
mountain soda
Donkey Whisperer/ing
Inkspot Project/Accomplice/liar accomplice

This is why there is nobody to blame but oneself for not seeing this coming. All news out of North Marion County is now tree-related. All bikes are dusty and their eyes gaze steadfastly upward to the crowns of Live Oak, Cypress, Eucalyptus, and for all we know Slash Pine. They wait politely for you to finish with your niceties so they can begin disseminating propoganda about their new prime directive- Tree Climbing.

This isn’t slingshot in the backpocket, Mommy can’t see me up here tree climbing. This is 60 meter static line, soft anchors, prussik knots and “tree saddles.” At first blush it appears to be a sport, or what you might call an activity. The most cursory of internet searches yields the truth to be far more disturbing.

To reinforce this point I offer: Exhibit A.

So how is that I know the following new terms will soon be added to the Reddick/Alachua database?

Heights/ need to pee
Tree time
Branch mother
Ma Ingalls/ticked off
credit card
Reddick Volunteer Fire Department

Please click the link to access the manifesto.


Sorry, comments are closed for this post.