Being the author of a declining online forum that focuses on a sub-culture in a small corner of an unpopular part of the world does not mean you don’t have to mow your own lawn. You would think so, but no.

I hate mowing the lawn, and I am also not good at it. When the job is finished I do not look over my work and admire my ability to bend nature to my geometric will. My lawn will look like a haircut done by your big sister with the bric-a-brac scissors. Any plants of asthetic value will be chewed and churned to mulch while the oak suckers and the smilac will flourish and continue their plan to tear the house down.

Let’s talk later.


14 Responses to

  1. Isn’t the declining forum it’s own reward?

    I totally get the whole barberian theme- what with all the razor sharp wit and cutting remarks flying around in here.At least we can still meet here to lie and talk politics. The barber is dangerous and unpredictable, but it beats my old hangout on the corner.

  2. Blogs are like mullets. Sometimes you just want to hang onto them, but yeah, you gotta keep shaving the sides or it’s only sort of a mullet. And, I agree with reverend dick. The barber over here still keeps the corner shop interesting and one is never sure what one will witness upon entering the door with the dinging bell. That’s a good thing, just like a freshly groomed mullet! 🙂

  3. I remember your Granddad watching you mow the lawn when you were about 11 years old (and I must’ve been a mean mother), and he shook his head and said, “He really hates doing it, doesn’t he?” So no sense in trying to like it now. Hire it done and tend to you virtual barbershop here. Too bad this isn’t a gig that earns the money for the lawn care, but society has its values pretty well set, I reckon.

  4. Jesus. How did you ever grow up to be a man with all this permission to hire out your god-given responsibilities?

    Mow it like you mean it. Bend each blade of grass to your gas-powered will. Embrace uniformity. Have a well-deserved cold beer.

  5. The beauty of the exersise is that you write of the mundane in such grand style. Someone once said: a great writer can make the simple seem amazing and the amazing seem normal(or something like that). You are guilty on both counts. This blog is the unsigned band that no one knows about, who’s records you must hear everyday. It is the hidden resturant, down the sketchy alley, that only a local knows how to find and what to order. Sadly we gaurd your secret because we all want to keep you for ourselves. We dare not share that which hope to keep forever unpolluted. The obscurity makes you (and us) transcend.
    There are plenty of folks with nice yards, most of whom have never done anything as good as this blog. Keep writing you BASTARD!!!!

  6. You sound like a man who never had a lawn-mowing business as a boy. Laying down those perfect rows is as close as suburbanites get to plowing. Much of my best thinking has come during these interludes.

  7. And yet I look out the window and watch it grow.

    *a note to the reader. I am not whining about blog readership or the chore of blogging- only mowing. This is the danger of overusing metaphors. One loses the availability of plain truth.