Options are for Losers

Hybrid is just word for double failure.

Anything that attempts to please all of the people all of the time is a lie. Whether it is a politician, a toaster-oven/microwave, or those ridiculous barefoot shoes anything that serves two masters is a disappointment to both. Please, prove me wrong. As evidence I cite:

Hybrid bicycles- fails on both road and trail.

The Shandal- the hotness of a shoe with the vulnerabilities of a sandal

Goober Grape- Do you put it in the fridge and let the peanut butter get hard, or the pantry so the jelly gets warm?

Rap-Rock Music- see Linkin Park, Kid-Rock, Rage Against the Machine
The moped- shitty motorcycle, heavy bike.

The Ganoe- loud, slow, with mechanical issues.

You see my point, or maybe you don’t.

The reason I come back to this old saw of mine is because of a recent conversation regarding the nature of Tallahassee trails. I will pause a moment while most of you scoot your chairs back and exit the room. Continental breakfast is provided in the foyer.

So- a log fell across a trail, as some of you remember, and the world was brought to a halt while we, as a community of cyclists, discussed what to do about this emergency.


Do we remove the log? NO LOGS, NO LOGS, NO LOGS!

Before some coward removed the log under dubious circumstances one of our professional trail stewards was working on an appeasement plan. Leave the log, cut a notch in it to for ease of clearing, take a slice out, for those that choose to ride around, and leave a portion natural for those who know how to ride mountain bikes. It was a solution that served everyone, a perfect hybrid.

My recent ride at Hannah Park in Jacksonville, by far the best sorry trail in Florida, crystallized my ill-defined feelings about the proposed solution. Without the logs, that trail is no challenge. With them, it is a cardiac beat-down and a technical test.

Humans are weak. When given the choice, we gravitate towards ease, especially when under pressure. Given the option to ride around the log most of us will do that. To choose the obstacle is to take the stairs when the elevator door is open.

Bail-out options breed mediocrity. There is no walk-up route on The Eiger. There is no risk-free way to drop in on a halfpipe. There is nothing remarkable about having something for everyone. I am only talking about a 24″ round log, and our coddled bottoms squeal and blubber to be saved from the challenge of learning. Shame on us.

Mountain biking is hard. It has challenges. We try. We fail. We muster our courage. We get stronger. Life is made of do or do not moments.

A challenge that can be avoided will never be confronted.

LOG UP Tallahassee, it’s all we’ve got.


9 Responses to Options are for Losers

  1. “A challenge that can be avoided will never be confronted.”

    Hah! Perfect!

    It’s like the path of least resistance is a slow downward spiral..down.. down …down.

    And what we get is a ‘lowest common denominator’ society . A perfect blend of ridiculous conservatism and over intellectualized liberalism. Kind of like…..MUD.

    I got word today that we will soon have a ‘mtb trail patrol’ at the park to help manage the multiple use conflict dilemma.

    Oh bloody hell! Let the war begin!

  2. Just watch the kooks and the stooges line up to volunteer. Anything for a tin badge and a safety vest. Nauseating.

  3. With the caveat that I don’t know your trail system: meh.

    There’s obstacles and then there’s logs that eff up the flow. Sometimes it’s one and then again, sometimes it’s the other.