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Up and at ’em! Rise and shine!

I’m squeezing in a quick ride at Munson with the Robot Army, and we’re rolling out a new demo today. This model used to see heavy use on the trails and around town, but he decommissioned for the last 5 years to work on building a restaurant. I expect great things from this one.

After the ride it is time to get out of here. I haven’t left my lair in quite a while and for that I am grateful, but it all ends today. I will be out of town more than in for the month of May. Between work and rock-n-roll I have a lot of responsibilities and none of them can be handled at 1111 X Street, Tallahassee, FL.

Tonight though, I will be relaxing with the folks on beautiful Anna Maria Island, maybe eating peanut butter out of the jar at the kitchen counter or lamenting the devaluation of the American currency and the wisdom of the Truman administration. Whatever I’m doing it will be good.

Don’t try to rob me. I have the robots prowling all over this place while I’m gone.

Juancho

If you show up for the Munson Monday rides you are familiar with the jostle of falling into the group at the right pace. If you jump in too early you can quickly find yourself in cardiac distress. Fall into line too late and you may end up walking your bike behind the beginners who want nothing more than for you to pass them so they can get back to crunching gears and squeezing brakes. The cycling community to this point has offered only the dull “A Group” and “B Group” classifications. This represents the people who are going to drop you and the dropped. The pace a rider is able to maintain is only one of many considerations for labeling a ride. That is why I use the following classification system to find the ride and partners most suited to my mood and abilities.

•Nature Lover- No concept of speed as an element of mountain biking. Compatible with “toe baskets” and hiking boots.

•The Hangover- Same speed as the Nature Lover but with moaning and spitting.

•Demon Chaser-Might be a fast ride, might be a slow ride. It doesn’t matter as long as you are suffering as much as possible.

•Weekender- Fast enough to brag about, short enough to have energy to mow the lawn.

•Juiced- Weekender pace enhanced by OTC products such as 5 Hour Energy, Clif Blocks, & Gu packs.

•Spintastic- Fast enough to think, “Hey, I’m going pretty fast here.”

•Pranic- So fast you don’t move through the trail, the trail moves through you. Effortless and connected to all things.

Happy Trails,

Juancho

We didn’t see anything quite like this guy yesterday, but we saw quite a few lesser beasts at the Refuge yesterday. A couple of sections of the ride go through some low-lying areas where the trail is soft and spongy and the grass grows tall right to the edge of the trail. I know I was calculating how fast I could drop Bob, or push him into the tall grass should I need to make such a hard decision. I assume he was doing the same. No hard feelings right Bob?

That was probably the last day to ride out there before the bugs move in and take over for the summer, maybe not though. Check it out and let me know how it goes next weekend.

This is going to be a busy week around here, I know that much. Lots to do, lots to be done.

I will turn 41 on Thursday, which is half of 82, and 82 is pretty old as compared to 60, which I was half of back in 2000.

The Robot Army put in some solid performances over the weekend and if I were those guys from BikeChain, or Higher Ground, or Bike Church or whoever- I would start getting worried. A couple more years and I am going to unleash these saddle droids on their unsuspecting asses and the Age of Juancho will be ushered in on the trails of the Big Bend. Just wait and see!

This is long enough right? Because I’m out of here.

Juancho

Back in October I was on a diet. I am still eating the same way, but it is no longer a diet. Now it is my nature. All rice is brown. Vegetables come from up the road, not across the ocean. Meat is something to savor and encounter sparingly. Breakfast is oats and yogurt, not biscuits and gravy. Sugar is wicked and flour is glue.

I am a hothouse flower with claws and teeth. A single source fuel cell designed to power a 27lb aluminum rocket. A 40 year-old man who had a taste of decrepitude, a preview of the unraveling of the sickly dysfunctional organism. A death on failure’s terms. The humiliation of “can’t do.”

“Am I on a diet?” They ask. “HELL NO!” I tell them, “I’m on a mission.”

Juancho
-48 lbs lighter.

Would you like to see more of the following at the BRC?

More about BJS

naked pictures of Juancho

I’d read anything on the BRC. The writing is what drew me in and what keeps me.

BJS vs SASQUATCH

More invective and useful info, in that order.

Weekly tributes to your mother

Tales of epic bike rides

yard sales

Topless Fridays! Random shirtless pics of the BRC hunks.

Recipes and off the beaten path restaurant reviews but not of places that serve Spirulina Shakes.

Recipes

Why do you visit the BigRingCircus? Please choose all that apply.

More about BJS

For the writing, natch, but I do care about the topic.

To feel bursts of pride to keep me trudging along through my days.

To be reminded that some people actually use the internet for creative purposes

First blog I ever visited. Consistent and clever content. It’s part of my daily work ritual which means that over the years I have been paid hundreds of dollars to read this dribble

I just miss you and the boys so… Nomad (Molly)

Would you be interested in BRC-branded merchandise?

BJS “how grout thou art” jersey

stickers- for my bike frame

Bumper sticker!

T-shirt must be in a color that suits me — like ivory or khaki.

beer coozies

BRC socks

banana hammock

BRC toilet paper with blog excerpts on each square

bong sticker

BRC Water Bottle

Thanks for all of your input. Our marketing department is working to implement many of these wonderful ideas. Until then you can expect more of the same dribble you have come to expect here at the BRC. In fact, I will be back later today to tell you some fine stories from the weekend.

Juancho