Betty’s Beauty School

I may have mentioned it before, but along with terra cotta pottery salesperson, pool boy, and the guy who put all those Tallahassee Rock Gym flyers on your car in the late nineties I have also been a rock and roll band manager.

In fact, I have helped more than one band avoid the glare of the limelight, the stench of success, through my ham-handed negotiations and poor advice. You want my guys to play 3 hours on a Tuesday morning for $37.50? Shake on it. Penny whistle solo? My idea. Why did I do it? Why did they let me? The answer is always the same, nobody else wanted the job.

Rollerball, which spawned the critical and fan favorite, Herman Jolly, was first I think. Look it up, that much is true, but I really cut my teeth on Sidney and the Elcan Boys, booking them in every dank dump in this college town except the good ones.

Those boys are still playing in a garage in town, every week for years, and something strange is happening. They hardly suck at all anymore, and last night they put their rock and roll foot in it.

They leave me no choice. I must get them a gig and I need your help. Who wants to have a bunch of almost 40 punk rockers come over and play such hits as Hey Mr. Dot-head(SELL ME SOME BEER!) and ‘Roids?

It’s a better deal than it sounds. I am sure Wreckin’ Ball will promote it for me and we will seriously rock your house, office, or church basement.


20 Responses to Betty’s Beauty School

  1. Bro, if you’re actually looking to book a show, go talk to Jon at St. Mike’s. He usually runs it so the bands get the door and the bar gets the beer money.

  2. Back Porch Revival is available after tomorrow night’s gig at Highland Hammock State Park. We are open until the Florida Folk Fest in May. Sweet and Sassy Old Time Music with bounce and humor. We work for cash and except gourmet food and drink only.

    Dr. J.

  3. I know the Riverdump is under new management and having different bands, especially on their back porch area.

    Basically, your best bet these days is to set them up with a myspace if they haven’t got one already, and just start working it out from there.

  4. Oh lord, here we go again. Will the management of this band include showing up at their shows shouting “PLAY SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T SUCK!”?

    If so, I’m in. Is their new name “Where I Stick It”?

    Let me know where and when and I’m there. If anything, just to hit on Human Reeking Balls.


  5. Only if they stick to Rolling Stones and Beatles and will play for beans, rice, and collard greens. Maybe some beer. PBR?
    If all of that is acceptable to their manager, please be in touch and we’ll synchronize our calenders.
    We can advertise the event as they do here in Lloyd- put up a poster on the oak tree down by the post office.

  6. I think we should all do lunch, spit ball some marketing ideas, pursue some target websites, and have our staff infitrate their message boards, and maybe build an online presence in the communities where the band will find the biggest following.
    Or you could call Steve at Bullwinkles and try to book a Tuesday.

  7. This is a leap year AND February, so a psychic is crucial.

    Venues? ms. moon ambiance with bullwinkles bar = Warehouse? “Where I Stick It” would do well at the Warehouse.

    And Juancho’s quite a primadonna concerning greens…don’t try to upstage (pun? sure) him on this.

  8. I hear these guys do the heaviest and meanest version of ‘Helter Skelter’ ever performed

  9. “…such hits as Hey Mr. Dot-head(SELL ME SOME BEER!)”

    As a fella with a dot on his head, and a punk fan, I’m all in! I just gotta figure out how to sell them said beer without having to shovel a kickback to the Reeking Ball.