I finally discovered the secret to speed- get some slower friends. No offense meant to my killer robot army. One was riding a 1990 or so Cannondale Beast of the East with slicks and a book rack, and the other is so new to cycling I think I saw him dismount to walk through the trees, and really, who does not enjoy a walk through the trees?
Still, within their bosoms lies the collective beating heart of a killer robot army, and with proper discipline and training I will soon unleash them against the usurpers.
Special props to artist John Lytle “Flippy” Wilson