My Platform

As Mayor of Hippie Killearn I will implement the following agenda:

Men must wear open sandals or close-toed shoes; no hybridizations of footwear allowed.

Optimist Park will hereby be known as Pessimist Park.

All pedestrian traffic in the greenway will yield to mountain bikes.

The $250 K in recovery funds slated for use in the forest will be diverted to the Indianhead Acres Singletrack Brewery project.

I will host an annual Nene Crit road race as a gesture of peace among cyclists.

I will build a system of catwalks and tunnels between myself, Soup, HiTops, and Squatch’s houses.

Koucky Park will be transformed into a Jaguarundi Preserve.

I am looking forward to the changes in our future!


16 Responses to My Platform

  1. “Neighborhood Mayor” makes me think of the mayor on Wizard of Oz with the little green outfit and hat, as well as the munchkins singing, “we represent the lollipop guild…blah, blah, blah… and we welcome you to Munchkin Land!”

    Anyway, Congratulations to Hippie Killearn! You have to take your celebratory ride!

  2. I can only hope your spirit of reform reaches all the way to Cabo’s and New Leaf Market. Any plans for those flagship establishments in the hood?

  3. you should get a name change form from the city and then walk it down your street with the greeting of “hi, I’m new to the hood, and I want to change this ____ nene to, oh, say 11th ave., whatta ya think?”

  4. I vote no, on Road Name Cahange Amendment 666. Who doesn’t like saying, Chocksocka Nene? But it’s imperative you pronounce the nee-nee as nay-nay. And say it with your best gangsta, street vigor!

  5. Welcome to the little street we who speak the Apalachee dialect like to call Tobacco Trail. I’ll start on my end of the tunnel tonight after work.

  6. If I had known that Hippie Killearn was getting a new Major and microbrewery, I would never have left Tallahassee!

    J, I know you’re obsessed with JaguarUndies but the name “Koucky Park” can hardly be improved upon.

  7. So have you decided which rooms will have single track running through them?

    Word verification: pingswis – I don’t know what it is but it strikes me as funny…