Crash Report

The dust that Juancho bit down south ended up in Juancho’s mouth.

Three days after the crash new bruises, brewed deep in fatty tissue and steeped in airport layovers, bloomed like bubbles rising from the stem of a champagne glass. Pop! This one looks like an indigo nimbus, this one looks like Mr. Spock.  Bar and stem turned traitors, like being stabbed in  the gut by your best friend, your own damn kin. The contusions are nothing compared to the invisible pain between the ribs. A strain, a pull, a cracked bone? Who knows, but it keeps me hunched like a geriatric wincing out of bed, standing up, lifting a coffee cup.

Is it worth a couple grand to get that pedal a few centimeters higher off the deck? You know it.

Those first few seconds rolling over in the dirt, hunching, afraid to take the inventory.  The sky above so blue and the clouds ever-receding into it.  Always on the move, never disappearing.  What is that? I calculate how far I am from the road, and what will it take?  A four-wheeler? A danged helicopter?  Too much to consider, and besides, you’re probably fine. Ambulatory anyway, once you suck it up and face things.

I’m glad for Hitops.  Standing over me, not panicking, already celebrating the nuances of what was hopefully a spectacular crash.   I remember the taste of dirt, and a hand deflecting a wheel, black frame swooping down on me like a raptor, claws out for blood.

“Just give me a minute.”  Hands and knees now, things slowly un-fuzzing, hard drive reboot almost complete. Open in Safe Mode? Your operating system experienced an unexpected error.  I guess I hit my head, but it doesn’t hurt.  This hot knife in between the ribs is the issue.  Stand up.  Whoa! Bad idea.  Lay back down, feet on helmet, the friendly blue sky and the retreating clouds.  Yes, much better.  Just a few more minutes of this please.

Finally rising, stable.  I can do this.  All I can do not to smash this carbon fiber piece of shit into the nearest pine, or raise it above my head and crush it onto the artificial Munson turf.  Honestly, I should sue the Forest Service for laying down a pitcher’s mound on our lovely sand and pine bed.

“It will bring more riders to the trail!” they said, as if that is somehow a good thing.

Oh well, nothing to do but heal, and shop for a new bike, which always fixes everything.





7 Responses to Crash Report

  1. Get back on that horse and charge!

    You allow comments so I am compelled to, picture this: Geezer Buzz a bunch of miles from nowhere in Moab….alone. Chunk central, I am doing my best to emulate JJ and Big Wheel Mike. Doing pretty good for a 4″ bike I’m thinking. Then a decent good chest high double step up appears, smooth slick rock, lots of traction…..carry some momentum, I got this. Power pedal is not coming around at the tippy top….I’m urging and pulling. Fail. – .25 mph back DOWN the way I came. Hyper extension of my left thumb, big blow to left forearm…helmet saves my noggin. Lay still, inventory…how far to the car? No one comes. I survived, thumb hurts like hell when it’s cold now.

    So every chance I get I stop at the bike shop and look at the 5 and 6″ trail bikes. Must be what I need. The sales kid always looks at me with that funny smile. Yah…. that’ll fix you Buzz.

    Not….probably not.

  2. Thanks MM, I’m ok. There’s something bracing and refreshing about a good thump.

    There it is Buzz. The self-evac is always a proud accomplishment. Get that extra travel. Why not right?

  3. NASCAR has nothing on J’s crackup as I witnessed it, but it’s not sporting to continue in that vein when bona fide injuries occur. The villain was a petrified stumpette no one would have registered. Jack up that rig. After a few moments to ponder his mortality, J resumed the ride and amped back up to a challenging pace. I escaped the experience unmaimed, but in solidarity pulled a back muscle yesterday avoiding a fall after getting my legs tangled with an opponent’s during basketball. No Rorschach bruises, though.

  4. That Munson clay is hard! Hurts your feelings to be in the soft pine forest and catch a body slam like that, for sure.