A Call to Arms

This weekend I want to see everyone who has two knobby wheels on them, at my house, Saturday morning. Don’t listen to my whining about it being too early, just start making coffee if you are the first one here. Get some angry music pumping and get the hell out of my way, I’ll be ready to go in no time. Spring is here people, and it is time to charge the palisades. All distractions must now fall away– so put down the road bikes, the twelve sided dice, your babies, the Miller High Life, the spackle and trowel, the fluted tips, the cell phones, the extra omelets, and the big burlap bag of excuses. It is time to make a show of force out there. The boys from Cobra Kai are riding roughshod over us, and it is time to assume the Crane position.

Unless you prefer Sunday?

I’m going to let you take a peek behind the curtain now, and witness some real live back porch conversation from last night. I’ll let you sort out who the players are.

“Check out my sweet new wheel with the Phil Wood hub. I bought it on E-bay for only like, a million dollars”.

“That alternator came right off no problem, those guys at SuperLube are a bunch of jackasses”.

“Don’t let me forget about the squash.”

“Isn’t it sweet!”

“Once you pull the wheel off, it’s easy to get to it”.

“I marinated the pork loin in a little balsamic vinegar and Cholula hot sauce”.

“Hey, while you’re up get me a mountain soda”.

“Me too.”

“Damn, I forgot about the squash!”

A best 2 out of 3 dart tourney immediately follows, where conversation lapses into grunting mockery, grunting approval, dismay, and elation. Bushy and Randy drop the Dungeonmaster and Juancho with a crushing assault on the bullseye. Damn!

And there you have it everyone, live and un-edited, from my porch to yours.

Scintillating I tell you.

Yesterday felt like Wednesday, and today feels like Friday for some reason. I’m going to roll with it and knock off around 11:00 A:M, then it will feel like Saturday. Sweet!

You people, I give you everything you want don’t I?


11 Responses to A Call to Arms

  1. how sweet it was. scintillating indeed. that’s fucking it though, just a half dozen trascribed messages from the mildewed outdoor dart room and i was back. Oh god, excuse me, i’ll have to run to dry my eyes.

    and you pussies in t-town better heed the fucking call to arms…its snowing and -1 here and you fuckers are celebrating spring. hasta la victoria

  2. by the way, that guy with the big ‘beat yo fucking ass’ stick in the photo, well that’s me.

    don’t make me use it again.

  3. don’t make me kill you….because let me tell you something man….

    i never killed anybody that didn’t have it coming to them

    so fuck you

  4. listen bushyhead…i’ve dealt with far bushier jankies than you, remember santa clara?

    you may think you caught up with me in Bolivia, but bolivianos would never give me up to the bushyheads.

    and when i finish with you…then i drop the bomb on italia, just for letting your family get on the boat.