The world is a scarier place for Water-bugs. I never realized the price they pay for speed. As a Rhinoceros Beetle I could stagger and sway through a crowd shoulder checking all and sundry. At my girthiest I could raise significantly more pounds than I weighed and put that weight wherever I liked. I had the option of the two step slam this is when you take two steps and apply all force to a person or object and that is sufficient to rapidly relocate the person or object. Sometimes the two step slam could be communicated in a determined glare whereby a person moved voluntarily the distance they would have been relocated.

Now I could take as many steps as I like and I could only call it dancing. I have to live by my wits and quick reflexes. I am lightly tethered to the earth now and this requires constant evaluating to make certain I am not drifting away. I am not small enough to evoke pity or a nurturing instinct in my potential adversaries. I am just an average sized guy of medium build, which means totally fair game for a beating, especially an average sized guy of medium build with a Clydesdale mouth.

I’m not looking for trouble. I am not a trouble seeker, but it is the thought here that counts. The two step slam glare got me through a lot of airports and Wal-marts.


4 Responses to Beef

  1. HA! welcome to my world, that of the glared-upon.
    This side of the situation requires limited use of the Clydesdale mouth, and lacking that, an ability to pick yourself up and reevaluate your wit, while checking for all your teeth.

    I have finally come to balance toward the ‘limited use’ but it took years, YEARS of training! I consult for a fee. Think about it.

  2. Float like a butterfly,
    sting like a bee. If they are right handed, make them move to the left. If they are left handed make them move to the right. Always keep them guessing and don’t forget that noise Bruce Lee always made that defies spelling in English.

  3. Your new yoga friends can protect you with their elastic spirits and their peace-seeking chi.

    When you retire to the ashram, you’ll never need an airport again.