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A Forest Ride

The fear took hold of me about an hour before the ride. I knew it had me from the tunnel vision. I kept looking for a missing glove in the same three spots. Over and over- not in the dryer, not in my pack, and not under the bed. These were the only conceivable spots I could think of so after the bed it was back to the dryer, then on to my pack, and so on. I found it velcroed to my helmet straps.

Stevie and I showed up early to the ride start and when I pulled my bike from the van I heard and felt a soft “pop!” in my Iliopsoas region, the very region I had stretched into oblivion the previous night at yoga.

“I’m ok!” I assured myself and Stevie as I sunk into the dirt at the bumper of the van. “I just need to stretch right here for a second.” Stevie looked on suspiciously noting the dirt and ants now sticking to my flop-sweat covered arms. I performed a 17 step maneuver to regain my feet and crawled into the saddle. It didn’t seem to hurt anymore when I rode so I soldiered forth.

The six of us rolled out at a pace at or near my redline effort. I won’t speak for Stevie, but I couldn’t help but notice I was not a known “local legend” like at least 4 of the group. Maybe I am, but not for the same reasons. In fact, it would be for the opposite reasons (Can you believe that guy keeps riding bikes?)

20 minutes in I watch in terror as this fellow I will call Larry, who is the senior-most gentleman on the ride, launches over a swale and ejects from the saddle at about 20 mph. Tumbling and rolling, all arms, legs, and swivel-necked he flies through the air. He comes to his feet, collects his bike, and takes off again claiming he is fine. He leaves his water bottle on the side of the road, shrugging it off as superfluous.

An hour later, deep in unknown territory (for Stevie and I) we make a sweeping left turn in a sandy corner. Our speed must be somewhere around 37 mph. Stevie launches from a cornice of limestone as his front wheel is washing out in the sugar sand lip and he violently augers his head into the dirt, folding his handlebar into his ribs and leaving a bas-relief impression in the sand. Being last in the line I have the best perspective for these crashes.

Stevie sits quietly, unable to respond to me. He catches his breath, rises slowly and remounts. What choice does he have I ask? There will be no medevacs today. We ride on. Finally we come to a stopping point and conduct a physical inventory.

We are a goddamned mess.

Stevie’s wrist is plump like a sausage and it looks like he has an orange hiding beneath the skin under his armpit where the handlebar assaulted him. We begin negotiating an exit plan. We are some distance into the woods now. Who can say how far? Every foot has been a desperate fight to remain in contact with the group for me. Nate, who has been doling out the abusive pace, volunteers to lead us back through the woods, which he does with excellent dead reckoning skills. He stops to take a picture of a pile of abandoned tires dumped in the forest and Stevie and I don’t slow down or even look back. We can’t get out of these woods fast enough.

Riding with one hand the whole time, the sausage arm points upward as if he is waving hello (which is not something he is known for.) We exit the forest and hump it up the highway to the van.

There is no moral to this story, because the story itself is immoral. It is simply a sad and cautionary tale of free time poorly used.

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Ride well my friends.

Juancho

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Thank you for your loyal patronage,

Juancho

Deployment

This fantastic picture is the work of John Lytle Wilson, recently of Tallahassee, now hailing from Birmingham, AL. Click the title of this post to see more monkeys and robots.

Today was a true red letter day. The full battery of robots made it to the trail for the first time in three years. One of them brought along his kidney stone, but the other two had it worse- they converted their rides to single speeds. Still, it was a big milestone for the Robot Army. Endless rounds of testing in R&D, followed by a labyrinth of quality assurance reviews, Forms SF 424’s, and liability waivers have delayed the project substantially.

In a live fire training scenario we encountered a squad of Cobra Kai riders. The RA is not yet ready for full bicycle combat so they initiated cloaking devices and blended in with the scrub oak and slash pine. Such smart robots!

Come fall they will be hunting Cobra Kai and collecting jersey pockets like ears on the battlefield. Cobra Kai’s weakness is their confidence and superior weaponry, but these robots are proud, and they will find a way!

Juancho

Slope Intercept

Sooner or later you figure out the line. On the trail, through crosstown traffic, and at various periods of life you have to know the line or you are likely to collide with heartbreak and pain.

I was on my line last night out throwing sticks for the Dogboy to fetch. I’m not certain where all we rode, but I think we went to Live Oak and back in about an hour and a half. We rode fast and hard (for the most part) and climbed an evil sequence of hills that began back off of Weems rd. and continued for 30 minutes out to Pedrick Rd. by way of goat trails, 4X4 paths, and some Viet Cong type tunnels through thick brush. The Dogboy kept pointing out that we were still climbing, waiting for the usual lip from me about all aspects of riding other than going fast in a relatively painless state.

I’m off that line now. I finally figured out what X equals, and it ain’t zero.

Juancho

Yintense

I think I dislocated a shakra or two last night. I missed my usual 5:30 Hatha Yoga class in favor of completing the installation of my new Shimano Saint shifter/ levers. I made it to the 7:00 P:M “Yin” class and hit the mat a frazzled mess. My brain was spinning through the rolodex of errands, appointments, calls to be made, conversations with my 6th grade teacher, wondering what happened to my old Schwinn Scrambler, and contemplating the causality of increased personal responsibility vis a vis the bombing of Libya.

I was not exactly in the “Be Here Now” state.

Yin yoga is a practice focused on holding certain positions until the stretch goes beyond the muscles and settles into the deep fascia connecting the muscles to the bones, resulting in a deep stretch, but also a flexing and revitalizing of the internal organs. I’m talking about stretching so deep you feel it in the liver.

By the end of the hour and a half I was calmed. I was wrung out like a dishrag and I OM’ed my way home on a cloud and went to bed early. Throughout the night, when I wasn’t dreaming a calliope of old memory tapes and theoretical work conversations, I was “making water” lots and lots of water.

I’m hoping this is some sign of a great detox, a pissing away of all my troubles, but for now it just means I can put my hands flat on the floor with my knees locked and I’m tired.

Juancho

Honed

Completely socked in, that’s what we are. No need to get out there and make a mess of the trails and bikes. I’ve been waiting for this. I have a long list of needed upgrades and repairs I have been postponing for such a day. I just need to get this unwieldy morning under control and then shoehorn myself into a space down at Joe’s Bike Shop and get some major drivetrain overhaul going on.

No such thing as a day off, just a chance to get stronger, smarter, faster.

Juancho

Holding Out

I have been miserly with my words these last few weeks. Hiding behind the bike and some lazy jokes, but sometimes life is too real for blogging. I’ve never really been the self-disclosing type of blogger. I prefer to write about what is going on outside of me, with the occasional glimpse inside hidden subtly within a metaphor or turn of phrase so that it appears clear as day to those who read between the lines, but to the passing reader it is just more of the same.

Maybe you would prefer to read about kidney stones (not mine) and job stress (mine) but it doesn’t appeal to me as a writer to kvetch away about personal trials to friends, strangers, and acquaintances on the internet. I prefer to save my kvetching for things beyond my control, like daylight savings time, standardized testing, and the paving of Munson.

The muse will stop by and visit me again, and until then you’re just going to have to be satisfied with reading about the rise of Juancho on the trails and what I ate for breakfast (oatmeal with plain yogurt, walnuts, flax seed oil.)

Juancho

Thick

After an intense hour of deep yogic stretching the Torso and I figured we would cap off the weekend with a little night ride in the forest, maybe just a lap of Munson you know. It must have been the reclining bound angle pose that made us both want to dig deeper and pound out 20 miles in the steamy, humid air. It was like breathing through a straw for 2 hours, but we grinded away, enjoying having the forest to ourselves. It still hasn’t rained and the pressure in the air just keeps building. I have a feeling this will be one heck of a storm today when we finally reach that point where the air can hold not one more drop.

I feel like I’m riding pretty strong even when my legs feel tired or I’m under-fueled. I hope this means I’m due for a “chainless” ride soon.

Juancho

The Cotillion

It is with the grandest fanfare and elegance that I introduce to polite society our most recent graduate of ROBOT ARMY ACADEMY, Mr. C “Chuck” Carberera. Dancing his first solo performance on Munson and Twilight to the Thin Lizzy standard, The Boys are Back in Town.

This was not a bad performance I must say for the three time mountain bike rider. By that I mean this was literally his third time on a mountain bike. Prior to these three outings, Mr. Carberera can’t recall the last specific moment he rode a bicycle- and yet the boy has good instincts.

The Circus Cotillion also welcomed Joey Bushyhead back to the trails. He pronounced the new trail modifications as “epic” and he seems to be coming back into strong form for the summer season.

Like the Azaleas, the ROBOT ARMY is blooming.

Juancho