Tying the Knot-A Country Love Story

It is going to be difficult to avoid saccharin phrases and cloying remembrances as I reflect on Ma and Pa Ingalls and their looming appointment with matrimony this Saturday. Nevertheless I will wipe away my early morning tears and persist.

Not since a friend’s last release from jail in an unfortunate tasering incident has our extended tribe had greater reason to celebrate. This union will formerly merge our noble families along the stature of Napolean and Josephine, and we all know how hot they were for each other- wow, I’m blushing just thinking about it!

A couple reminiscences…

1991-Ma haughtily informing me that the tryst I was having with the receptionist at the hair salon was not a good idea. She thought I could do better than that, not with her necessarily, but surely there must be someone if I put my mind to it. For me, our friendship started that day.

1993- Ma calls from Florida, “How do you like Montana?” Juancho: “It’s amazing. I love it!” “OK, I’m getting out of here- I’ll be there in two weeks. I’ll take your room and you can have the couch”. Juancho: “Sweet!” Ma arrives and conquers Montana shortly thereafter.

1997-8? Pa arrives at the infamous Tallahassee White House (Did Jim Morrison really live there?) driving the “Global Local” tour bus. He declares himself on tour and sponsored. He has a couple dozen kayaks and rafts . Although he is from South Florida, he has become a whitewater guide overnight-just add water. Sponsored to do what? “Pretty much to be himself” is the general consensus. Like Paris Hilton, true stars don’t need a job.

2003- At the Pole Barn, impenetrable castle and spiritual destination for my people, we are lazily chewing on hayseed and watching Suey Dog play. Suey Dog is an old lady, a little tan boxer I think-with a pronounced limp. Suey Dog would argue she is fine.

“So what happened to Suey Dog Pa?”

“She got run over like the day after I got her when I was a kid. I went running to my Mom and I was asking her if we were going to have to put her down and Mom said, ‘You’ve been busted up plenty of times and I never put you down did I?’.” Suey Dog survived.

As a friend it is comforting to know you would have to be pretty busted up before Pa will let anyone put you down.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I love both of these people, and there a lot more where I came from. Teeming hordes might get you close to an estimate. This weekend will be one for the ages.

And yes- we are going to ride Razorback on Friday.

Mazel Tov!


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