Riders Unite!

Gather your nations, for in this hour of need we will need the lumbering range of the 29’er, the old school resolve of the straightened fork, the ingenuity of full suspension if we are ever to stop the invasion of the Pine Beetle.

Whether yee are an uptown titanium-wrapped anesthesiologist or a midtown fixed gear sandwich artist, we need yee, or thee? We need yee thee!

While we dicker and dither in fractious and tattered bands, the Pine Beetle Dendroctonus frontalis Zimmermann chews in multitudinous synchronicity above the trails we all call home.

Figure 1 – Range of the southern pine beetle in North and Central America.

As you can see the entire federated colonies of SORBA lie within the zone of death, and our own fragile Tatooeen is hopelessly locked in the belly of the abyss.

So ride! Ride you weekend warriors! Ride you destination riders!
Ride you over 40 and skittish! You under 30 big air whores! On baggies! On spandex! Together we are greater.

We will crush them beetle by Zimmerman’s beetle beneath frog pedal and spd, lollipops and eggbeaters, flats and toebaskets until the last carapace has snapped in the forest.


24 Responses to Riders Unite!

  1. The dread beast up this way is the Emerald Ash Borer. I imagine it is no more nor no less destructive than your Pine Beetle but it’s name is a lot nicer, don’t you think? And of course, the Ash tree is way more majestic than the lowly Pine. I don’t mean to diminish the threat you face in the southland but we’ve got problems of our own.
    Dr. D

  2. Don’t martyr them; they’ll come back stronger and with a dogma!

    Verily I say: they will rise up from their carapace crunch in 3 days time to descend to hell and then ascend to pine heaven to rule forever.

    At which point…we will be ruled prophets(for profit?) such as Juancho interpreting Pine Beetle doctrine on a whim.

    oh ye oh OOOHH oh, oh ye oh OOOHH oh

  3. OK. I looked it up. The pine beetle juancho is referring to has no natural predator. It looks like an ugly little beast that lives WITHIN the trees, under the bark, and I’m with Juancho. Crunch those bastards under your tires!!

  4. Hallelujiah!

    …makes me wish we had Pine Beetles up here…but I’m sure we’ve got something that needs quashing, I think — I just need to find out what it is….

  5. So if I can’t ride logs does it mean the terrorists have won?

    Back to Cobra Khai. Is he the guy who decreed a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu? I need some background. Guess I’ll hove to Google it.

  6. Nice unifying spectre.

    Hmm.. OK, whether road or dirt, the lead riders have a “bait application”
    left by their tires, then the mid-pack group issues the “call of the pine beetle”, and the sweep crew ride their Puglsy’s big tired bug squisher knobbies.

  7. Sorry Nicol, that is a pretty bad analogy. I wouldn’t wish squashing on any roadies, maybe a stiff neck though.


  8. My feeble attempt at a humorous analogy has been “squashed”. 😀 And, I am gonna worry about getting a stiff neck now.

  9. Just peeked over there. I am exhausted just hearing about that experience.

    The main group I ride with here in Lincoln doesn’t drop people. And, yes, SUV drivin’ moms and others not paying attention, is a common scary threat. Pick ups are seemingly the vehicle of choice around here though, and when I see one of those coming at and passing me very loudly at top speeds, my heart rate definitely goes up.