Faking it

Racers have it easy. Always something to work towards, an event on the horizon keeping their feet to the coals. Waking up with nightsweats at the thought of pushing their bikes up the technical climbs while stronger riders swarm around on both sides jeering and cursing their lack of preparation. Yessir, racers have it easy.

I didn’t go to the Prom, or my college graduation. I avoid theme parks, stadiums, and dinner parties with more than six in atttendance (although four is always preferable.) It is for these same experiential biases that I cannot attend a bicycle racing event. Finishing last is not my concern, as that is so much more than likely. I would probably have a heart attack long before the finish line just from the stress.

I still need goals though, Yo. I am not a robot.

Lately, thanks to rain as predictable as my order at San Miguel (#17 Mole Pollo Enchiladas) I have been attending near daily therapy sessions with Dr. Munson.

This is good,but what’s the next adventure?


13 Responses to Faking it

  1. A butterfly mustn’t be afraid of breaking out of its cocoon, otherwise it never knows what it is capable of.

    Racing: Screw the short-course XC crap. Just a bunch of testosterone-junky, better-than-yous. Go to an endurance event where everyone is just trying to survive. Totally different reality.

  2. airbrush adventure! I wanna see a nordic super-heroine fighting grendel on the side of your van within the week!

  3. So I get it. Especially when I’m last in the old beginner class and the scooter class is calling track. Why do I go to the races? First, being the youngest of four boys, I have literally been made to eat dirt more than a few times. So I cannot help from the need to compete in just about everything. The key to racing and going to races is busting (in your head and sometimes out load) on the stooges (including your own crew) for taking it all too seriously. If you do that, you can sit in your little cocoon of a booth and it’s like you’re at the mall, amusement park, comedy show without all the crowds. Because you’re not an expert or otherwise fast guy, you’re pretty much invisible – which makes it even funnier. Seriously, can you honestly tell me you enjoy the scolding hot soup at Felasco or the last 10 miles of Felasco? There are different parts of everything that kind of suck. So, should we reserve a spot in the bikechain.com/180 booth for you in Birmingham this weekend? I’ll buy the beer.

  4. You make a good case. Unfortunately I will be at Oak Mountain two weeks from now, when there is nobody to heckle but myself.

  5. Maybe you could hit that van with some airbrush graphics to match the mask. That way Ramses would not think you are hiding from him like a coward.