Category Archives: Uncategorized

MR3 Robot Update

Posted on by • 2 Comments

I have a front row seat to agony and I’m ready to sell my ticket. One of our poor robots is still dealing with an obstruction in his operating system resulting in severe pain and pressure on some key components. This particular robot was built and designed for a tough environment and the whining chip was never installed. This means that by the time he communicated the error in his system he was already experiencing a level of robot pain well beyond anything I have experienced as a human, including my recently broken and dislocated wing, which hurt quite enough thank you very much.

He has been at the robot repair center, which is a place run by the kids in school who wanted to run everything but were good at nothing. I hope to have him back at headquarters this evening where he can run some familiar programs and begin the rebooting process.

After my quantum-paced ride with Leon on Monday, I went back out on Tuesday to ride with the Wrecking Ball gang. I limped and gimped, shuffled and galoomphed my way way around the track following on an asthmatic Wrecking Ball’s wheel. We set no records, proved no points, established no pecking order. We just rode our bikes and talked about life. I’m thinking that might be important to remember.

Juancho

The Heater

Posted on by • 7 Comments

Lots and lots of reasons to not get out on the bike yesterday. Grown-up important reasons, but we did it anyway, Leon and I. No pretense or gamesmanship on this ride, just flat out from the PL to the PL. It was hot, but not even close to how hot it is going to be. Whose legs are these and how long do I get to keep them?

Juancho

Broken Robot

Posted on by • 4 Comments

One of the robot army fell sick over the weekend, like really scary sick. Sometimes a loose bolt gets caught up in their pipes and gums up the flow of oil. Some people think robots don’t have feelings, but they are wrong. Robots most definitely feel pain. Like C3PO said, “We seem to be made to suffer. It is our lot in life.” We went to the emergency robot repair shop Friday night where they verified the obstruction and powered him down to sleep mode. Today we go see the robot innards specialist and train the lasers on the obstructing mass.

This is a durable model. I expect him to be back on the front lines soon.

Juancho

The Whitney Comes to Baltimore

Posted on by • 4 Comments

Yesterday was sweet payback for all of the modified short loops Pa Ingalls took me on at Razorback- the modification being that the loop was made longer and more difficult. Riding around in a motor boat all winter then showing up with your single speed wasn’t the winning strategy this time. I’ll just enjoy the moment, since I am sure to pay for my insolence at some point.

They keep showing up doubters and leaving as believers.

DTG brought to my attention that John Waters visits FSU tonight for a lecture. Although his body of work is long and counter-culture aficionados most likely prefer his edgier work, Pecker is by far my favorite of his films. Starring in the movie is Ed Furlong before he went all trainwreck, and manic sexy Cristina Ricci. It’s a fantastic story about the pretentious world of art snobbery, which is one of my hobbies.

So, I think DTG is right that if one can swing the John Waters lecture and still make it to the Slackers show then it would be almost like living in some fancy other place than Tallahassee, yet tomorrow morning it would still be the podunk town I have come to love.

And that is the long explanation for why I am heading to the forest to ride while it is still dark outside.

The Robot Army needs constant tuning.

Juancho

Rude & Reckless

Posted on by • 7 Comments

Lots going on at the circus today. Pa Ingalls his own self is on his way to town for a little barn-raising party. By that I mean there will actually be a little barn when it is all over. Before that though we will do some barn-burning on the trails and then tomorrow night when we all get our walkers out on the dance floor for the greatest working band in America, The Slackers. If you want a little taste then click the “Rude and Reckless” title above for a sample.

If this blog was a late night talk show, they would be my house band.
If this blog were a movie, they would write the soundtrack.
If this blog were a stage they would play on it.

Too bad it’s just a blog so I have to put pants on and go to the show tomorrow night at the Engine Room. While we are on the subject of the Engine Room, somebody explain this to me. Advance tickets are $10 with a $2.75 surcharge. Tickets at the door are $13.00. Is it worth 25 cents to go through the hassle of pointing and clicking?

We also have the Forest Ride with Bill this afternoon at 4:30 and I would dearly love to get Pa out on that run for a little taste of how it is done in the 8-5-0.

Before any of that can happen though, I better git to pounding salt at the mine.

Juancho

The Big Sellout

Posted on by • 6 Comments

I get it honest. This jones to ride the best. My pop is a musician and he appreciates a fine instrument. Somehow, even as a high school shop teacher with 2 kids, he always managed to wheel and deal his way into a Martin guitar, or a custom fiddle. When it comes to your passion reason and modesty are not the whetstone you want for developing your talent. You do what it takes to get the best tools in hand.

That is why I make no excuses for throwing my literary integrity out the window and shilling for fine products like RED BULL. It gives you wings yo! Years ago I saw a picture of a Retrotec bike frame in a magazine and I tore out the page and stuck it in my pocket. I sent it through the washing machine days later of course, but the point is- I love these bikes. The union of classic design and performance makes my mouth go dry and my pants fit uncomfortably. I already own the greatest modern mountain bike available, the Titus Racer X for which I am most humbly thankful, but that does nothing to temper my lust for the Retrotec. I saw the above image recently and felt the yearning deep down inside.

I thought about it while enjoying a bowl of Quaker Oatmeal and I decided to encourage the Great Magnet a little bit by slutting out this blog. So, we will see. I’m not holding my breath or anything, but as a friend once told me, “pennies in a pile make a dollar after a while.”

Now it is time to get in my GMC Safari and get to work.

Juancho

The Decoy

Posted on by • 4 Comments

After 6 years I think I have learned something.

Whenever I write about a ride the night before, and especially when I proclaim that I will “recite some verse to them tomorrow” my ride mates seem to show up a little more motivated than they might otherwise. There might be some stretching, some sneaking of early GU packs and maybe even some blood doping going on in the back of a pickup truck.

I think those guys might be reading this blog and holding me accountable for the words I choose. They do not consider literary largesse, or the crushing pressure to deliver a good story to the reader. No, they think I am actually taking smack about them personally and specifically. Ha! Ha ha! Nothing could be less true.

I’m not sure what to do about this. I need these guys to show up for rides hungover and sluggish, eager to talk about baby’s sore tooth and the jackass at work. I do not need them focused on bikes or performance or who is faster than who. I don’t believe in any of that stuff, I’m just making a little mirth while the sun still shines on us all. So here is an example of the new pre-ride BRC post ethos.

Tomorrow I will ride with most powerful rider Mystery and elegant steerer of bicycle Leon. I also expect the Dogboy with whom I will ride in humblest gratitude and appreciation. I have not slept nor eaten in preparation for this ride for to be the slowest and most aching of all of the riders. I hope to continue to receive the blessings of companionship from these strongest of mighty men.

(Lull ’em into a state of complacency- then right between the eyes with the cast iron skillet! WHACK!)

jUANCHO

Clean is critical

Posted on by • 2 Comments

Yesterday in the forest, whenever my main man Mystery would try some foolishness in the corners I would latch onto his wheel and start screaming, “IT’S THE NEVEGALS MAN, THE NE-VE-GAAAAAAALLLLLS!” This was probably annoying to him. The Nevegals are my tire of choice, recommended by two out of two bike shops in Bellview, FL. I attributed my increased cornering ability to this particular upgrade from the under-performing Small Block 8’s. What grip the Nevegals have, what supple power.

Mystery will enjoy knowing that it took Ricky Silk about 15 seconds to make the following observation today, “Hey Juancho, your front tire is on backwards.”

Anyway, just think how great tomorrow’s ride will be now that the situation has been corrected. THE NEVEGAAAAAALS!

Let’s see. I just finished cleaning the Titus stem to stern. It is beginning to show some wear and tear. I can tell we are now in the sweet zone where everything works, it fits like a pair of skinny jeans, and I can’t imagine life without this bike. This is a sure sign that it is probably in its last year before the unraveling begins.

Now is not the time to think of such a thing though, says the grasshopper to the ant, side-stepping around that rubber tree plant.

Instead I took the brushes to the drivetrain, the lube to the chain, and with my own personal chamois I rubbed down the frame.

I may be speaking verse now, but I will be reciting it to the boys tomorrow.

Juancho

Boom Boom

Posted on by • 3 Comments

This is what’s on the satellite this morning. Time to pull in the horns and regroup. I have been waiting for a rain day to mandate some down time. Do some repairs to both body and bike, wash the man-o-tards, and Febreeze the van this should probably be my first priority?

I enjoyed an abbreviated visit to the north-side trails yesterday with Leon. We rode my old friend the Live Oak Connector and it was tough as ever and awesome. I don’t remember the climbs ever feeling this good though, seriously. Maybe they have eroded a little? We made it halfway into Lake Overstreet when Leon got a call that sent us in the other direction. He twisted my innards out once again on the 7 mile time trial across town to his house.

These are pretty good days right here.

Juancho

Scraps

Posted on by • 10 Comments

Despite the strong and appreciated showing over the weekend, our usual crew is down by five riders from last year. I have no interest in enumerating their reasons or badgering them in their hopeless situations. I am focused on practical and achievable goals. My therapists would be proud. Like the mid-term elections of 2010, (and 1994) some things are beyond my control, and according to some people riding bikes in a fantasy world with your adult male friends is not the biggest priority in life.

I can’t be bothered with that. I’ve gone rogue. Freelance. Hired gun. Mercenary.

That, and of course my labor of love, the never-ending project, the rise of my Robot Army. Towards this pursuit, I have found recent success. I have two fresh recruits, wall-eyed in their fervor, programmed for pain, and they are responding well to modifications by the design team.

My greenest recruit does not even have a bike, but that is a small detail. I am rebuilding the 2005 Dakar for this purpose and like my crew, the Dakar is mostly scraps. I am looking for the following items should anyone have them lying about.

Shimano hydraulic brakeset
shifters
brake levers
front wheel
cranks
derailleurs front and rear

I realize this is barely a cycling blog anymore, having turned the corner toward epic story of man vs. world, but if there are a few riders still out there help me out. Be a part of something great. Support the Robot Army.

Juancho